if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
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