I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
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