i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
We smell like vodka and hangover
Randomize
