You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
Randomize
