yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
Randomize
