Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
Randomize
