i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
pray to the hookup gods
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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