Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
Randomize
