so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
Randomize
