I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
Randomize
