This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
Randomize
