the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
Randomize
