The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
Randomize
