Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
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