I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
Randomize
