I just threw up on my dentist
My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
Randomize
