So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
someone owes me an orgasm
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
Randomize
