I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
Randomize
