quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
Randomize
