Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
Green mimosas i think yes
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
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