final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
Randomize
