New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
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