Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
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