Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
Randomize
