Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
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