I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
Randomize
