Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
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