thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
Randomize
