remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
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