pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
i want to swaddle you in tequila
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
Randomize
