ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
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