Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
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