Non-Jews are for practice
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
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