I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
Randomize
