p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
Randomize
