plz talk dirty to me
so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
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The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
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