He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
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