I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
Randomize
