dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
it was average length and chubby
so kinda like him?
now i'm wondering if all guys are shaped like their penis...
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
Randomize
