you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
Randomize
