I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
Randomize
