My girlfriend figured out who you are.
Yep Great. Apparently I didn't just say things once that night. Drink. Yell. Repeat.
U also mentioned u werent wearing any underwear hahahaha
weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
Randomize
