The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
Randomize
