Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
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