Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
We discussed how the marijuana was making the dopamine float around our nucleus accumbens last night when we were high. Yet another example of how our science classes are perverting our good times.
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
Randomize
