i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
Randomize
