what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
Randomize
