Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
Randomize
