he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
Randomize
