you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
Randomize
