she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
Randomize
