would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
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