so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
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