Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
love makes seman taste better
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
Your shirt... Was in my pants
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
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