Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
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