Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
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