Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
Randomize
