im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
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