Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize
