Slut skills are useful in every country.
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
Randomize
