Kiss
Puke
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
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