btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
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