I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
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