I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
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