Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
just really comprehended the fact that I'm getting high at the same place I used to play as a child. the nostalgia and thc is mixing together in one, intense wave. WHO HAVE I BECOME
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
Randomize
