I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
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